Reading Time: 7 mins. If you’d like to listen to this edition on the go, you have the voiceover right above this note.

There is a famous study in the field of attentional research, the Invisible Gorilla Study. Trafton Drew, an attention researcher at Harvard Medical School, wanted to find out if inattentional blindness was causing expert radiologists to miss things that should catch the attention of their trained eyes.

Drew and his fellow researcher, Jeremy Wolfe, provided the above lung scan to 24 radiologists and asked them to scan this image for cancerous nodules.

The researchers took a picture of a gorilla waving its fists and inserted it into the top right portion of this lung scan.

Guess how many radiologists noticed the 800-pound gorilla image (48 times the size of an average nodule)? Only 4 of 24 radiologists noticed the gorilla image superimposed on the scan.

I found out what I had not read the first three times when I read Pema Chodron's book “How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind”.

How to Meditate: The book that I did not read

I read this book a few times in the past, and it profoundly changed how I approached my meditation practice.

I have read almost all of Pema’s works, and not a week passes by without me reading or listening to her. Whenever I get the opportunity, I also discuss Pema’s teachings with friends who are interested in these subjects. So, I didn’t expect anything earth-shattering from reading this book for the fourth time.

I pulled a sheaf of papers, stuck a paperweight on my book, took out a pen, and started reading it a few days ago in preparation for writing this newsletter.

As I read the book, many concepts popped out that were new to me. I was puzzled, “Was I reading the same book I had read before?”

On reflection, I realised that I had picked up concepts and information that were helpful to me at that time. As time passes, there is so much value in re-reading books like these every year, as I pick up stuff from the book based on what attention I am paying to it now.

This is the book that I did not read the first few times and that I am reading now, like it has been handed over to me fresh and new.

Is Attention a Flashlight or a Floodlight?

After spending some time beating myself up, as I read the book, I was able to reframe the inattentional blindness as, “When the student is ready, the teacher (teaching) appears.”

Researchers describe attention as a flashlight, not a floodlight. A flashlight illuminates the area it is focused upon, while a floodlight illuminates large areas. We sometimes mistake our attention for a floodlight instead of a flashlight.

One skill we develop through a meditation practice is cultivating awareness of our attention, intention, and action. We learn how to train our flashlight to focus on the areas we want it to and how to expand the beam of light so that it can throw its light into the surrounding areas, too. We can train our flashlights to become floodlights.

I first encountered this book at a point in my life when I felt out of control, lost, and confused. I did not know what to do or how to fix the constant dread that accompanied every waking moment.

One day, I was sitting in an armchair in the lounge of my office in front of a bookshelf. I remember thinking, “Someone should have written a book on how to deal with life when it is falling apart and when you can’t hold it together.”

I dropped a few words in Google, “life falling apart, what should I do” + “meditation”. A quote by Pema Chodron caught my eye, and I don’t remember which one. I remember thinking, “So it is not just my fault that I have messed up my life, and I don’t know how to fix it. Pema is saying life is like that. It comes together and falls apart.”

It is how it is, and it is okay.

Being absolved of my sole responsibility for messing up my life was a big relief. I immediately logged into Amazon and ordered several of her books, hoping this wise, compassionate woman would offer me some comfort and ideas about how to deal with my life.

It was a radical notion that my life was not like a dam whose holes I constantly patched with my hands. I could let go and see what happens when water comes cruising through.

My job was NOT to make sure nothing went wrong, to stop the flow of water, or to constantly patch every single hole that was opening up in the wall.

My job was to ride with the waves of ups and downs because that is life. My job was to strengthen the walls of the dam so that I could build resilience to life.

Perfect as you are, and bring everything you have

To my great delight, I found that she had written a book called, “How to Meditate”. I had been trying to establish a meditation practice for three years but couldn’t sit for more than a day without taking a 10-day break after that.

I attended 2 silent meditation retreats (10 days), studied habit training (with BJ Fogg) and got certified as a Habit Coach. However, I was unable to establish a meditation practice. I was feeling rather critical and self-defeated.

I was relieved she wasn’t asking me to change myself or be a particular person. She wanted me to be exactly who I am and make friends with myself exactly the way I am.

This realisation finally helped me to establish a formal meditation practice.

What’s in the series

I will explore some aspects of the book that have touched me in the subsequent four editions. These deep dives are not about summarising what is in the book. It offers the interplay of the lived experience of reading a life-changing book.

My hope with this series is that it inspires you to read the book or re-read the book and to approach your life on and off the cushion with fresh eyes. I also hope this book will make a lasting impact on your life as it has on mine.

We conclude this edition with our tiny story of the week.

P.S. I am quickly running out of stories! Send me one of your favourites, and I’d love to feature them in the newsletter.

P.P.S. I use a few affiliate links (indie book shops!) in my newsletter.

A Mother’s Advice

Jiun, a Shogun master, was a well-known Sanskrit scholar of the Tokugawa era. When he was young, he delivered lectures to his brother students.

His mother heard about this and wrote him a letter.:

“Son, I do not think you became a devotee of the Buddha because you desired to turn into a walking dictionary for others. There is no end to information and commentation, glory and honour. I wish you would stop this lecture business. Shut yourself up in a little temple in a remote part of the mountain. Devote your time to meditation and, in this way, attain true realisation.”