Lessons Learnt From Envying A Death Row Inmate

I’d never thought I’d envy a death row inmate until I read this book. This is the passage that sparked envy within me.

So, three things about the above excerpt were the cause of my building envy and admiration for Jarvis.

1. Waking up at 4 AM to meditate

2. Finding Relaxation

3. Getting out of his prison

The crux of these three points is Jarvis’s commitment to his practice. Without expecting results, he committed himself to it and gave himself the best chance of being able to meditate every day, even in solitary confinement.

He woke up at 4 AM to meditate!

That guy was in prison all day with nothing much to do. He could have chosen to meditate any time during the day, but he woke up early to have an hour or so of external silence to practice!

I remember the first time I was called for an interview by the Assistant Teacher during one of my ten-day Vipassana silent retreats. We had to wake up at 3:45 AM to begin our first meditation practice at 4:00 AM.

I would be woken up by a loud clanging of the bell rung by the volunteers trying to rouse the sleepy meditators. With great difficulty, I would wake up, wash and get to the meditation hall. By 4:05 AM, I would be dozing off until the ending bell rang at 6:00 AM.

I have tried many times to wake up early for my meditation practice, and that proved to be a big obstacle to clear. So, I settled for meditating first thing in the morning, no matter when I woke up.

I’m amazed at the commitment Jarvis shows to his practice by ensuring that he gets the best possible circumstances to sit and deepen his practice, even in the most challenging circumstances.

I can see that in my own practice, as I have been meditating for a few years now; the reluctance and the resistance to wake up early in the morning and meditate the first thing is slowly fading into the background. There is no longer resistance, but I wake up, wash up and meditate. Although, I must admit I aspire to wake up that early and meditate. May my aspirations be achieved!

He became completely relaxed!

After almost a decade of meditation practice, I have never been fully relaxed in meditation practice. So, I am envious that Jarvis managed to find that liminal space of relaxation in his body and mind. Although a part of me is envious, a big part of me is also happy for him. This state of inner relaxation is vital if one is to walk on the path of awakening. If one is not relaxed, then everything we see is a threat or potentially scary.

After reading this paragraph, I decided to find out if it was really true that I had not experienced a state of relaxation in my practice.

This morning, I woke up at 4 AM. I woke up to attend an online writing workshop at 4:30 AM, and certainly not to meditate!

At 6:30 AM, after the workshop and a walk, my mind was still buzzing with thoughts, so I decided to seek the inner state of relaxation that Jarvis talks about in the above passage.

I got into bed, leaned on my pillow fort, and closed my eyes, setting an intention to find a state of relaxation. Surprisingly, I did find that state, although it was short-lived.

The mind kept jumping into various thoughts and activities. However, I was able to bring my attention back to the state of relaxation that existed, even if it was just a tiny ray of light. It was very calming and soothing.

This passage inspires me to find that state of relaxation in my practice every day.

Getting out of his prison

Jarvis says in another part of the book, “I thought, “Here’s a guy who can take me out of prison even as I remain here. He won’t dress me in Buddhist garb, but accept me as I am.” I knew he was a tough character.”

Jarvis is also able to take himself out of prison even as he remains there.

Jarvis describes the state of relaxation as one of the most rare and wonderful experiences of his incarceration. This makes me wonder why I, a person who is not living in a prison and who has all kinds of freedom, find it hard to achieve it.

I concluded that maybe I don’t recognise the relaxation experiences in my everyday life and my body. I ought to be able to look for them, like thinking about a red car and suddenly seeing “red cars” everywhere.

I want to cultivate the intention and look for relaxation in my practice and find it like Jarvis has. That would be an experience I can create for myself, no matter my life circumstances.

As I examined my envy, I realised I also felt admiration, inspiration, joy, curiosity, and delight. I was looking for envy, and I found it. When I sat with it, the envy opened up to something bigger than itself; it also included other feelings. As I sat with all of them, a sense of well-being opened up within me.

It is amazing that Jarvis Jay Masters, sitting on the death row in San Quentin, can inspire and touch my practice despite being millions of miles away. I’m grateful for such teachers.

And we finish this edition with a tiny story.

Just Two Words

There was once a monastery that was very strict. Following a vow of silence, no one was allowed to speak at all. But there was one exception to this rule. Every ten years, the monks were permitted to speak just two words. After spending his first ten years at the monastery, on emonk went to the head monk. “It has been ten years,” said the head monk. “What are the two words you would like to speak?”

“Bed…hard…” said the monk.

“I see,” replied the head monk.

Ten years later, the monk returned to the head monk’s office. “It has been ten more years,” said the head monk. “What are the two words you would like to speak?”

“Food… stinks…” said the monk.

“I see,” replied the head monk.

Yet another ten years passed, and the monk once again met with the head monk, who asked, “What are your two words now, after these ten years?”

“I…quit!” said the monk.

“Well, I can see why,” replied the head monk. “All you ever do is complain.”