Working With Negative Emotions

In the book, “Finding Flow: The Psychology of Engagement with Every Day Life” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced MEE-hy CHEEK-sent-mee-HY-ee), the author presents a striking account of a woman with severe Schizophrenia. Her condition was severe, and she had been hospitalised for over ten years in the Netherlands, but without improvement in her condition.

The hospital participated in Csikszentmihalyi’s Flow Monitoring Program, and this woman’s doctors enrolled her in it. As part of the program, a timer would go off at random intervals during the day, and the participant would then complete a short survey on their moods, level of engagement, thoughts, etc.

It was noticed that the woman reported positive moods while doing her nails. This surprised her medical team, and they brought in a professional manicurist to teach the woman how to care for her nails. The woman started slowly doing the nails of the other patients in the hospital. Her condition improved remarkably within a year, and soon, she was well enough to be discharged. A year later, she had her own business as a manicurist and was leading an independent and self-sufficient life.

In this newsletter edition, we will look at Chapter 5 of the audiobook, “Coming Closer to Ourselves: Making Everything the Path of Awakening” by Ani Pema Chodron. In this Chapter, Pema presents the teachings of Vajrayana or the Indestructible Vehicle. The pith instruction in Vajrayana is STAY.

Curiosity, Emptiness and Fullness

In the Foundational Yana, we train to stay with ourselves, with whatever is coming up for us in the present moment. Developing Maitri (unconditional friendship) and cultivating mindfulness of our present experience is the key theme in this Yana.

Pema says, “There is no underlying harmony, but we learn to be open to harmony and chaos within us.” Cultivating the capacity to be honest and curious is what the First Turning of the Wheel of Dharma teaches us.

In Mahayana, we train not to be afraid of others when other people trigger us. We learn to stay with situations and people because we have learnt to stay with ourselves. Shunyata, or Emptiness, is the theme of the Mahayana. We cultivate a deeper experience of kinship with others. The challenge to be brave and courageous is stronger in this Second Turning of the Wheel of the Dharma.

As we work with the teachings of each yana, we see that we would have to let go of whatever concepts we have about each yana and approach each practice with a beginner’s mind. In Foundational Yana, the Buddha says there is suffering; in the Mahayana, he teaches Shunyata (emptiness) and says there is no suffering. In the Vajrayana, the teachings are on luminosity or the Buddha nature of fullness of our nature, which can seem contradictory to the teaching on emptiness.

With each step on this path, we are encouraged to let go of concepts and solidification and work with increasing groundlessness. Hence, these teachings are not meant to be learnt or studied only in a scholarly sense. Because they simply cannot be made sense only with the intellectual mind. For a practitioner, it is about constantly working with groundlessness and learning to cease struggle and relax into whatever the moment brings.

Working With Negativity

In this chapter, Pema talks about how she was introduced to the teachings of Buddhism and her root teacher, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. She recalls the time she found out that her husband was having an affair and had the sense of the rug being pulled from under her feet. The groundlessness, uncertainty, and pain and suffering of the experience unsettled her. She went to various spiritual teachers and sessions to work with it. But most of the advice she received was to affirm “good things”, and none of the teachings were about how to work with what was alive and burning within her just then.

So none of them stuck to her, and one read she read an article by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche on “Working with Negativity”. She attended his session and found that it resonated with her. He taught her about acknowledging the pain and suffering she was going through. There was no need to deny or change it; instead, it can be used to work with oneself and walk the path of awakening. She says this was her initiation into Vajrayana, and from then on, she went on to become an ordained nun (the first Westerner to do so) and part of the Vajrayana Sangha.

Pema says it is important to explore other traditions to know when we are getting stuck in our beliefs, concepts and traditions. She says that in Vajrayana, the practice heightens neurosis.

Problem Of Negative Negativity

The problem is not the negativity per se, and negativity here refers to experiencing challenging emotions such as rage, anger, fear and jealousy. The “negative negativity” is what is problematic. It refers to acting out, suppressing or repressing the energy of the challenging emotions through our words and actions.

We are all familiar with experiencing intense emotions like fear, rage, anger and jealousy, and our first instinct is to make these feelings go away. We either distract ourselves with work or gadgets and develop behaviours that let us run as far away from the energy as possible. But the problem is that the energy entrenches deeper and multiplies manifold when we try to escape.

The key question in Vajrayana is, “Am I willing to cut through the negative negativity?” Negative negativity is alluring because it is one of the ways we seek ground.

My challenges with Happiness

I have recently become acutely aware of my discomfort with “positive” emotions. I am becoming aware of cultural conditioning reinforced by personal beliefs that make positive emotions terrifying. I am uncomfortable with happiness and joy and find it hard to stay with that emotion. I have noticed that whenever I experience happiness, I spin off into thoughts like, “Oh, you are so happy now; wait, something terrible will happen soon.”

In the culture in which I was raised, I was taught not to be too happy because that would tempt sadness/grief/pain straight away to humble me. Happiness was seen as the enemy of ambition and growth. If you are satisfied and happy very easily or for no reason, then there is a belief that you will not work hard in life.

In one of my classes in the four-year-long meditation program I am on, the teacher gave us teachings on joy. He described the states of joy that one can experience in practice. The teaching made me restless, and it took time to become aware of my thoughts and behaviours. As I was hearing the teachings (online), I opened a few tabs on my computer and started browsing for various things on the internet. I usually do not indulge in this during class as I switch off my phone and stay present.

But now, I was browsing the internet aimlessly while paying only partial attention to the teacher. In a few minutes, the awareness kicked in that I was uncomfortable with the teacher’s words. The intensity of it was very high, so I just became aware and let it be. I could not stay with the discomfort, and I was getting distracted.

I have had some experience in training to stay with uncomfortable, challenging (negative) emotions; there is so much familiarity and opportunity in that. I am up for it, but joy completely pulled the rug from underneath me, and it was terrifying. It took reflection, contemplation and sitting with it over the next couple of days to notice and become aware of my reaction to the teachings and the energy associated with it.

Greater the Neurosis, Greater The Wisdom

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche says in his book, ‘The Myth of Freedom,’ that “Chaos should be regarded as extremely good news. Whatever occurs in the confused mind should be regarded as the path. Whatever occurs is workable.”

The big “negativities” are identified as rage, jealousy, craving of all kinds (including addictions), pride, arrogance, anxiety, speediness, stress and denial.

So, how do we work with the neurosis or the intense energies when we experience one of those big negativities?

In Vajrayana, everything I hear/see/experience is my teacher, and I work with it and get closer to it. Pema says we learn to cultivate crazy wisdom wherein we are willing to sit with the energy. When we do that, our capacity to stay with discomfort grows. With this, we go out in the world, benefit others, and not give up on ourselves or others in all situations. This is the call to action in Vajrayana and, ultimately, the path of awakening.

And thus, we conclude the entire reading of Pema’s audiobook, “Coming Closer to Ourselves: Making Everything the Path of Awakening”. I have learnt so much writing the eight editions of this newsletter based on this book. I do hope this inspires you to listen to this audiobook.

Write back to me! 

It would be great to hear from you, and I’d love to know what parts of this article and the earlier editions resonated with you. Please find the links below for a complete list of the earlier editions.

What’s Next?

I am compiling a Reflection Guide based on this book with contemplations and questions to ponder upon. I hope this will support your study and practice. After this, we will start on our next book, “How To Be Sick” by Toni Bernhard.

P.S. Thank you for subscribing and sticking with me. 

As a parting thought, I will finish this edition with a story and the links to this newsletter’s editions based on this audiobook.

The Moon Cannot Be Stolen

Ryokan, a Zen master, lived the simplest life in a little hut at the foot of a mountain. One evening, a thief visited the hut only to discover there was nothing in it to steal.

Ryokan returned and caught him. “You may have come a long way to visit me,” he told the prowler, “and you should not return emptyhanded. Please take my clothes as a gift.”

The thief was bewildered. He took the clothes and slunk away.

Ryokan sat naked, watching the moon. “Poor fellow, ” he mused, “I wish I could give him this beautiful moon.”

Source: Zen Flesh, Zen Bones by Paul Reps

Links to earlier editions of the newsletter