How To Receive With Grace

There’s a story in the Indian epic, Mahabharata, about Karna, a warrior. Karna was renowned as a giver. It was said that he would not refuse anyone anything that was asked of him. Karna was born with celestial armour and earrings, making him invulnerable in battle. They were meant to protect him from any mortal harm.

As the battle of Kurukshetra drew near, Karna was allied with the Kauravas. The Pandavas were battling the Kauravas to regain their kingdom. Also, Karna was the eldest of the Pandava brothers - a fact known only to him, his mother and his uncle, Krishna. The Gods and Devas on the Pandava’s side grew worried about Karna’s invincibility in the battle. He was said to be the only warrior who could defeat Arjuna, one of the five Pandavas.

One of the Gods, Indra, disguised himself as a Brahmin and went to Karna to beg for alms while Karna was doing his morning prayers. Karna saw through Indra’s disguise and proceeded to ask the Brahmin what he desired. Indra begged him to give him his celestial armour and earring. Without hesitation, Karna took his knife and cut the armour and earrings that were fused to his body and gave them away to Indra.

Karna is held up as an example of what it means to be a giver. Giving has been glorified and is seen as a quality that elevates a person to the level of God. However, receiving doesn’t have that connotation. A person who receives is seen as someone inferior to a giver.

I had grown up with strong conditioning around not asking for help. So, it was challenging (it still is) to ask for help and to receive it when someone does something for me. It stresses me out as I figure out how to “repay” the other person for what they gave me. It becomes a transaction that needs to be balanced.

Receiving with Grace

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”

This is a quote that is on my teacher’s WhatsApp status. Until I met her, gratitude or being grateful was primarily about acknowledging what I have and can give to others.

As you can imagine, I had very little grace or practice of how to receive. And that shifted when I attended her workshop on Non Violent Communication, where I met my teacher. She focused on the importance of being able to receive with gratitude.

This major shift in thinking took some years to sink in. It cut through my solid image and identity as a “strong, independent woman”. I had to work on letting go of that image as I went through the pandemic with a chronic pain condition. I had people in the community come around to support me, and I had to work on my attitude to accept it with grace and gratitude.

In the book 365 Thank Yous: The Year: A Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life’, John Kralik talks about how his life changed because of the thank you note project.

Shift from I Want to I Have

A big part of John’s thank you note project was acknowledging and thanking people for what he had received in terms of support, connection, love, joy and material things. He did not receive as many thank you notes for what he had done for others, but he received enough to feed into this thank you project. What came out for me in this book was the importance of acknowledging people when they offer their time, energy, money, blessings, prayers and presence to us.

As John Kralik’s memoir shows, shifting the focus from “I want, I want” to “I have, I have” could change a person’s life. This will be crucial to my mind and heart space journey in 2024. This is the year I truly start working on my own, and it is easy to get drawn to what is not working or the money that is not coming in.

Some friends immediately subscribed to this newsletter on the day it launched, and it meant the world to me that they would sign up for something like this. I was able to receive it with gratitude, grace and happiness. I am grateful for my readers who read the newsletter; when I look at the open rates, it helps me keep writing every day.

As I launch my coaching practice now, it has been quite a journey of being supported in the virtual communities as I build my practice. Countless people have offered support and best wishes as I go out on my own. It is so overwhelming that it makes me so grateful for having taken the leap into this unknown.

Write to Me!

It’s time to start writing my 180 thank yous for 2024. I will keep you posted on how it goes. Meanwhile, if you have read this book, let me know what came out strongly for you. Let me know if you intend to start your own thank you project.

What’s Next?

From the next edition, we will start on the tiny audiobook (only 30 mins in length!), “Working With Difficult Emotions” by Pema Chodron. Through this audiobook, Pema presents us with practices that help us in working with difficult emotions.

P.S. Thank you for subscribing and sticking with me. 

As a parting thought, I will finish this edition with a story.

The Voice of Happiness

After Bankei had passed away, a blind man who lived near the master’s temple told a friend: “Since I am blind, I cannot watch a person’s face, so I must judge his character by the sound of his voice. Ordinarily, when I hear someone congratulate another upon his happiness or success, I also hear a secret tone of envy. When condolence is expressed for the misfortune of another, I hear pleasure and satisfaction, as if the one condoling was really glad there was something left to gain in his own world.

“In all my experience, however, Bankei’s voice was always sincere. Whenever he expressed happiness, I heard nothing but happiness, and whenever he expressed sorrow, sorrow was all I heard.”

Source: The Voice of Happiness » Zen Stories ✦ Life-Explorers. https://life-explorers.com/terra/stories/zen/zen-story27.php

Images generated using Open AI